(in reverse-chronological order)

I think Jeff's fireman bartender girlfriend has tarantulas. -- Mike

I use Miller Lite to sober up. -- Mike

Will it get you drunk if you eat it? (alcohol-marinated beef jerky) -- Pat

Don't disturb me in the middle of my sneezing. -- Kyle

You could make a beergarita. I don't know what goes in it, but it involves handcuffs. -- Shelly

Do you wish your lawn was emo so it would cut itself? -- Golgothaa86

A 360 is exactly what I need to show off my 52-inch. -- Morose

I'm gonna go home and see if I can get lucky. I'll probably just get laughed at, so I'll go watch something in Hi-Def. -- Dart buddy Stoney

I'm intimidating jocks and inseminating socks -- MC Chris